Thursday, 30 May 2013

The trouble with being a people pleaser- Learn how to say NO

It’s a lovely quality, to put others first, but being a loyal people pleaser can sometimes be detrimental to your own well being. There is a fine line between being a lovely, selfless person, and sacrificing your own happiness to succumb to the needs of others. Do you hate the NO word? Perhaps it’s time to learn how to be a bit selfish from time to time.

My fear of the NO word got so ridiculous that at one stage when my friend’s dad asked if I wanted a slice of cake I said ‘erm, I’m ok thank you’.  He raised an eyebrow; ‘so what does that mean..yes or no?’.  It was at that point that I realised how much I struggled to say it. I don’t know why, but ‘no’ felt like a rejection (which is ridiculous as I’m sure he would have been grateful for me not snaffling his cake).

So do you people please too much? There is a mountain of work to complete but your colleague has troubles at home so you tackle it alone. You’re shattered after a hard core week of work, household chores, and trips to the doctors but you said you would drive two hours to meet your friend (and hate it when people bail), so you sacrifice your day off to help her babysit. You are an angel, and we love you, but remember that you matter too.

Sure, help out colleagues, friends, family, I’m all for going the extra mile to make people smile, but include yourself as one of those people. If you’re getting stressed with taking on the extra load, tell someone, and let someone else please you for a while (insert rude joke here). Give yourself a break, and when you’re asked ‘do you mind doing...’ do not feel bad about saying no. If you desperately want a night in to recuperate instead of filling in for the missing player in your friend’s football team, just say no and let them nag someone else (trust me you’re not the only people pleaser in their phone book). The thing is, people say no to you all the time, sure sometimes it really annoys you, but most of the time you hardly notice, you just accept it and move on. So if your crumbling under the weight of your angel people pleasing wings, take them off a while and be your own guardian angel, remember you’re only human.

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