The cons of travelling- Part 3 Prices and perceptions

Picture this, you’re walking into Tesco to pick up some last minute ingredients for the dish you’re making tonight, but there are no prices on the shelves. That quick 5 minute whizz around (maybe 10 minute if you tend to get distracted by the reduced items) turns into a 40 minute chore of having to price check each item with the nearest store assistant. Then imagine that the store assistant hasn’t decided on a price yet, they ask you how much you will pay for it and then they shake their head and offer it for double that price. This is Asia.

Admittedly in Asia things tend to be cheap. Yet after a few weeks of careful observation you will become savvy to the way that every item has a foreign price and a local price. For bags, Bintang vests and fake Rolex check out my previous post on Haggling. Food stalls are a whole other playing field. Being charged double is often unavoidable, but learn, if you will, the art of surveillance:  Channel your inner Sherlock! Hold back before asking how much something is, wait for a local to buy one, take note of how much they hand over and then thrust the same amount into the stall tender’s hands before swiftly departing with your 30p spring rolls.

Dog sticks anyone?

Don't be offended by being overcharged. As a Westerner you will often be stereotyped as a rich, ignorant fool who can’t handle spicy food, and yes there are many of us out there. Deciding to use this to my advantage and wearing my wealthy stereotype like a cloak, on my last night in Bangkok I went to indulge in one of the swanky rooftop bars. Despite having tamed my sun stroked hair and adorned my smartest dress, to my utmost embarrassment I was turned away for wearing sandals! Ok havainas ... ok fake havainas covered in dirt. Be warned that stereotypes do not make up for a lack of acceptable footwear, and trade rooftop cocktails for a barbecued cricket and a bucket of Sangsom rum.

The cons of travelling- Part 2 Accommodation

Time to get specific, forget the minor inconveniences of hostels in Europe.  Creaky bed..oh dear. Slight smell of damp, how appalling! Oh gone are the days of complimentary shower gel, towels and general cleanliness. Backpacking in South East Asia, hostel 'luxuries' include clean sheets, hot water and a friendly cockroach to keep you company in the bathroom. You're lucky if the bed creaks, that means you have a spring mattress instead of a square of foam covered by a sheet. The smell of damp is something which in time you will become familiar with as the majority of hostel bathrooms come with an attractive layer of black mould and no fan. The cons of accommodation are extensive enough to produce a novel, but here are my favourite few...

1.) The toilet situation- Whether it's a blocked pipe or a hole in the ground, toilets are guaranteed to be a hassle at some point in South East Asia. Running out of toilet roll won't even cross your mind, mainly because there won't be any there to begin with. However, you will be supplied with a gigantic, brightly coloured plastic bucket brimming with stagnant water. This, you soon learn, comes fitted with something resembling a plastic pan with which you are welcomed to scoop up some putrid water to both flush the toilet and wash yourself (delightful!). My advice: make toilet paper part of your day pack essentials checklist so you're never caught off guard. 

2.) Wet rooms- Do not fool yourself into thinking wet rooms are desirable, they are NOT. They are called wet rooms because there is no space for a shower cubicle, so the erratic shower head nailed to the wall spits out water at every angle soaking everything in its path. After a while your learn that unless you put your beloved toilet paper in the bedroom it will soon become an unusable soggy waste. Oh and don't forget that the bathroom floor will ALWAYS be wet, only when forgetting this and quickly popping into the bathroom with your shoes still on do you realise just how messy this can get; dusty Asian roads and wet floors equal dirt everywhere. 

3.) Crepe paper walls- I needn't describe this one in too much detail as I'm sure you can imagine the horrors which entail. You may be surprised to know that it isn't the neighbour's raucous sex which is the most disturbing, but their noisy bouts of upset stomachs.

Not until you experience this can you comprehend how a night in a Travelodge is five star luxury.

Backpacker sleepover on the deck of a boat

The cons of travelling- Part 1 'The little things'

I've been back in England for less than 5 weeks (actually 3 weeks considering I've spent the past 2 weeks in Spain) and already the magnificent, exotic photos posted by my travel buddies are turning me green. Somehow my evening watching Iron Man 3 at the cinema surrounded by over excited 10 year old boys doesn't quite compare to cocktails on the beach after a day of diving. So just for fun, and to ease the envy, I thought I'd write a few posts about the cons of travelling. These posts are here to dutifully ignore the good and entertain you with the bad and the ugly of travelling South East Asia. 

Beach time after a day of diving in Koh Tao

I'll begin lightly with the every day luxuries which you can say goodbye to when you fill up that backpack. Ladies first.. Say hello to your naked self. 

Make up is not a necessity and if, like me, you're foolish enough to bring along your Mac foundation and Clinique mascara you'll only end up lugging it around begrudgingly, not wanting to throw it away but having no opportunity to actually use it. Your mascara will melt, your foundation will become too pale and your lipstick (yes I was vain enough to take that too) will attract far too much unwanted attention from the locals, to whom you will appear utterly bizarre. Looking your best in a photo will now be determined by the level of grease in your untamed hair and how much sweat is dripping down your back. 

On the topic of sweat, even Mitchum deodorant doesn't make the grade. I didn't have a sweat free day in the entire four months I spent in Asia, it IS impossible. There's nothing quite like being told you can't try on an item of clothing because you'll make it dirty.

Then there are the mosquito bites. After spending five minutes by the riverside in Luang Prabang I'd been bitten so many times that my feet had swollen to twice their normal size and my frantic scratching matched that of a kid with a severe case of chicken pox. All hail tiger balm. 

Beside the river in Laos

In South East Asia you will smell, you will itch and your high school 'hot or not' rating out of ten will half. Accept it and enjoy.